Toddlers and potty training
Toddlers are full of fun and energy but they as they grow, develop and explore they can really test your patience to the limit.
Find out where to get advice, guidance and support to help you respond to and deal with the challenges and demands of looking after a toddler.

Potty training problems
Read time: 1 minute
You're not alone if you are having problems with potty training, it can be a tricky skill for a toddler to master! Your toddler will develop bladder and bowel control in their own time. You'll need to recognise this developing control. It's how you'll know when your little one is physically ready for potty training. This is the key to success!
How do you know if your toddler is ready for potty training? The NHS suggest you look out for the following signs:
- your toddler knows when they've got a wet or dirty nappy
- they know when they're peeing and may tell you they're doing it
- the gap between wetting is at least an hour. If it's less, potty training may fail, and at the very least will be extremely hard work for you)
- your toddler shows they need to pee by fidgeting or going somewhere quiet or hidden
- they know when they need to pee and may say so in advance
Try not to compare your toddler with others. Remember, your toddler is an individual who is developing at their own unique pace!
Top tips from the NHS for successful potty training
Read time: 3 minutes
Getting ready for potty training
- Using a potty will be new to your toddler, so get them used to the idea!
- Leave a potty where your toddler can see it and explain what it's for.
- When you're changing their nappy, see if your child is happy to sit on the potty for a moment. And when you get them dressed for the day or ready for bed at night.
- Talk about your child's nappy changes as you do them, so they understand wee and poo and what a wet nappy means.
- If you can, always change their nappy in the bathroom when you're at home. They will learn that's the place where people go to the loo!
- Children learn by watching and copying. If you've got an older child, your toddler may see them the potty or toilet, which will be a great help. It helps to let your child see you using the toilet and explain what you're doing.
- Helping you flush the toilet and wash their hands is also a good idea.
- Using your toddler's toys to show what the potty is for can also help!
How to start potty training
- Keep the potty in the bathroom. If that's upstairs, keep another potty downstairs. You want your toddler to reach the potty from wherever they are! And put them in clothes that are easy to change and avoid tights and clothes with zips or lots of buttons.
- Encouraging them to use the potty to wee will help build their confidence for when they are ready to use it to poo.
- As soon as you see that your toddler knows when they're going to pee, encourage them to use their potty. If they slip up, mop it up and wait for next time. It takes a while for them to get the hang of it!
- If you don't make a fuss if they have an accident, they'll not feel anxious and worried. And they'll be more likely to be successful the next time.
- The idea is to make sitting on the potty part of everyday life for your child. Encourage your child to sit on the potty after meals, because digesting food often leads to an urge to do a poo. Having a book to look at or toys to play with can help your child sit still on the potty. (Just for a few minutes and only if they want to though - you don't want them scared of the potty!
- If your toddler does a poo at the same time each day, leave their nappy off and suggest that they go in the potty. If they are the slightest bit upset by the idea put the nappy back on. Leave it a few more weeks and then try again.
- Your toddler will be delighted when they succeed! A little praise from you will help a lot. It can be quite tricky to get the balance right between giving praise and making a big deal out of it. Do not give sweets as a reward, but you could try using a sticker chart.
Look after yourself
Getting stressed because of your toddlers lack of progress in the potty training department? Try to stay calm, as reassurance, understanding and patience are usually the secret to overcoming potty training problems. Parenting is a tough job, so don't forget to be kind to yourself!
If things are getting you down and unsure of the best approach to take, don't worry. There are many helpful websites and support services. Try to stay positive, and if you feel you need a helping hand, reach out. And remember to look after yourself.
Information from external websites
Action for Children have 5 short articles on potty and toilet training, including coping with potty training and potty training at night.
CBeebies have a fun article on six ways to survive potty training.
ERIC (Children's Bowel and Bladder Charity) has a website called Let's go Potty that offers information from experts to guide you through the process of getting your child out of nannies and into pants for good, including blogs and tips.
The NCT have nine articles on potty training, including tips for potty training girls and tips for potty training boys.
The NHS have an article on a range of potty training problems and how to respond.
Family Space Barnardo's have a really helpful page on managing toddler behaviour. It talks you through the Pause for Thought system, which you might find useful.
Struggling and need to talk?
Action for Children offer 1:1 chat with a parenting coach (Mon - Fri). If they are closed you can leave a message and a parenting coach will get back to you within 3 working days.
The Children's Bowel and Bladder Charity ERIC have a free helpline with expert advisors offering information, practical tips and confidential support if your child is struggling with potty training or bedwetting. Call on 0808 1699 949 Monday to Thursday from 10am to 2pm. If the line is busy, please try again. Lines are usually less busy from 11am to 1pm.
Family Lives has a free, confidential helpline, offering emotional support, information, advice and guidance on any aspect of parenting and family life. Call the Family Lives helpline on 0808 800 2222 (Monday to Friday from 9am to 9pm and on weekends from 10am to 3pm).
NSPCC has a free, confidential helpline for parents looking for advice. Call 0808 800 5000 (Monday to Friday 8am – 10pm or 9am – 6pm at the weekends).
The Surrey Children and Family Health Advice Line is available from 8am to 5pm, Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays). They can provide support on all aspects of child health, development and parenting for families with children from birth to 19 years old. Call the Surrey-wide 0-19 Advice Line on 01883 340 922
Face-to-face support
You could also talk to your health visitor or your GP.
Useful videos for potty training
ERIC (Children's Bowel and Bladder Charity) have a helpful video on when your child will be ready for potty training:
The NHS also have a handy video on when you should start potty training. Scroll down to the bottom of the NHS webpage Potty Training Tips to watch it.
The Families Under Pressure video collection offers a great series of short top tips videos on managing behaviour and help with negative emotions. Perfect for when your family leave you feeling frazzled!
Helpful tools and apps
Child and Family Health Surrey has a great free downloadable guide 'What is toilet training?'
ERIC (Children's Bowel and Bladder Charity) has a range of useful guides to potty training that are free to download
The Institute of Health Visiting have a detailed help sheet on toilet training that you can download for free.
The NSPCC has a great guide on positive parenting with a helpful section on setting boundaries.
Surrey's Family Learning and Adult Learning teams have developed a family wellbeing resource, with lots of tips on looking after yourself and your family during these challenging times.
Online parenting guides
Surrey residents get free access to an online guide that include top tips from childcare, education and NHS health experts
How to register
Registration is quick and easy. Go to the OurPlace website and use the access code 'ACORN' to get your free guide.
Access to the guide is unlimited with no expiry date, so you can return as and when you need and want to. Why not watch the Child and Family Health video to find out more.
Community support, courses and local help
Choose the area you live in for local services. Please note that due to coronavirus (Covid-19) very few community services are currently running.
Family Learning
Surrey Adult Learning's Family Learning programme aims to increase parent's skills and help them to support their children. It's free to parents, carers and even grandparents!
You can do online workshops and courses in parenting, wellbeing, anxiety and behaviour as well as phonics, English for EAL families, maths, science and healthy eating. Here's what one parent said about an 'Exploring Behaviour Strategies' course
"What a lovely course…. really constructive with lots of practical tips to go away and work on. I felt much more in control as a parent after last week's class alone! Thank you for being so open and inclusive, and providing a safe environment for us parents to share experiences."
You can enrol on up to 3 free courses and workshops each half term. For further information email: family.learning@surreycc.gov.uk or call 0300 200 1044.
The Children and Family Health Surrey Advice Line (Surrey-wide 0-19 Advice Line)
The Surrey Children and Family Health Advice Line is available from 8am to 5pm, Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays). They can provide advice on potty training problems for families with children from birth to 19 years old. Call the Surrey-wide 0-19 Advice Line on 01883 340 922
Elmbridge Family Centres
The Elmbridge Family Centres are able to support all families in the area with 0-11's who wish to access support through courses.
Currently we can offer online courses to support parenting and child behaviour. We have tablets to loan if families do not have a suitable device.
We directly offer the Parenting Puzzle course on a rolling basis. and link with many partners who are offering other courses including talking teens, supporting challenging behaviour.
We will resume face to face sessions as soon as the government guidelines allow. These would generally be run at one of our buildings in Walton, Molesey, Cobham or in the local community. We will confirm the exact venue details when your place is confirmed. Please contact us for further details:
- Call: 01932 229103
- Email: elmbridge@spurgeons.org
Or visit the Elmbridge Family Centres website or Elmbridge Family Centres Facebook page.
Home-Start Elmbridge
Home Start Elmbridge is a voluntary organisation that offers support through friendship and practical help to parents in the Borough of Elmbridge who have at least one child under five and are struggling to cope - from illness, poverty and isolation through to domestic violence and poor mental health. Support is free, confidential and non-judgemental.
If you live in Elmbridge, have at least one child under 5 and are looking for support, simply complete their online self-referral form. Or to find out more about what's on offer visit the Home-Start Elmbridge website or email enquiries@home-start-elmbridge.org.uk
Parenting Puzzle Course via Zoom
Find out how to get the best out of family life. This 10 week Nurturing Programme is for parents and carers living in Elmbridge. This course encourages and supports parents and carers to enjoy bringing up children of all ages. The sessions are informal, fun and a great confidence booster.
January - April 2021 Tuesdays 7pm - 8.30pm via Zoom. £50 per family, but concessions and free places available so please ask.
To find out more contact
- Michelle - michelle@thewellbeingsupervisor.com Call: 07772 348182 or
- Teresa - t.doe@orchard.surrey.sch.uk
Ewell Family Centre
Ewell Family Centre supports local families with children aged 0-11 years. Parenting support is currently being offered via online workshops.
For more information please visit the Ewell Family Centre website or call the centre to speak to staff on 020 8337 7310
Home-Start Epsom, Ewell and Banstead
Home-Start Epsom, Ewell and Banstead can support any parent living in the local area, including Epsom, Ewell, Banstead and surrounding villages, who has one or more children under the age of 5 and who wants help at a difficult time in their life.
There are many reasons why parents need support and these can include:
- Feeling isolated, maybe with no family nearby and struggling to make friends
- Suffering with post-natal depression and maybe finding it hard to talk to anyone about it
- Having a hard time coping with your child's illness or disability
- Being affected by the death of a family member
- Struggling with the emotional and practical demands of twins, triplets or children under 5
- Finding it hard to cope with relationship difficulties
- Feeling exhausted or depressed
- Coping with your own illness or disability
For more information please look at the self-referral information.
Home-Start Guildford
Home-Start Guildford is a voluntary organisation offering non-judgmental, practical and emotional support to help build a family's confidence and ability to cope. Our volunteers provide weekly support to include visits, as well as remote support such as telephone contact, texts, video calls etc.
There are many reasons why parents need support and these may include:
- Feelings of isolation, perhaps with no family nearby and struggling to make friends
- Coping with the demands of twins, triplets or several pre-school children
- Dealing with ill health, disability or special needs of children or self
- Bereavement
- Mental health problems or post-natal depression
- Lone parent
- Young parents
- Grandparents caring for grandchildren
- Relationship difficulties or breakdown
If you live in Guildford, have at least one child under 5 years and are looking for support, please complete the online contact form
Or to find out more about what's on offer, please visit the Home-Start Guildford website or call 01483 511181 (Mon-Fri 9:00-4:30pm)
Home-Start Guildford are also active on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where you can find out more about them.
Home-Start East Surrey
Home-Start East Surrey helps families become more resilient, supporting them until they are strong enough to cope on their own. They provide non-judgmental, practical and emotional support to help build the family's confidence and ability to cope.
Who can Home-Start East Surrey help?
- Lonely or isolated parents
- Families with twins, triplets or several pre-school children
- Families where there is ill health, disability or special needs
- Families who have suffered bereavement
- Parents who have mental health problems/ post-natal depression
- Families from all backgrounds
- Lone parents
- Young parents
- Grandparents caring for grandchildren
- Step parents
- Adoptive parents
- Foster parents
- Families where a parent is in the armed forces
- Families where a parent is in prison
Any family with at least one child under 5, who is experiencing difficulties, can contact Home-Start for support. If that's you, please call 01737 770220 or email using the contact form. For more information you can visit the Home-Start East Surrey website.
Mole Valley Family Centre
Parenting Puzzle Parenting Course
Start date: 24th February
Time: 7.30pm-9.30pm
Duration: 6 week condensed course
Cost: £7.50 per person
Location: Mole Valley Family Centre, Dorking (hopefully face to face but this will be confirmed nearer the time)
This is a condensed 6 week course that encourages parents to enjoy bringing up their child and get the best out of family life.
To find out more, please contact Mole Valley Family Centre on 01306 740095 or email familycentre@dorking.surrey.sch.uk
Visit the Mole Valley Family Centre website for more information about courses and groups for you and your toddler.
Home-Start East Surrey
Home-Start East Surrey helps families become more resilient, supporting them until they are strong enough to cope on their own. They provide non-judgmental, practical and emotional support to help build the family's confidence and ability to cope.
Who can Home-Start East Surrey help?
- Lonely or isolated parents
- Families with twins, triplets or several pre-school children
- Families where there is ill health, disability or special needs
- Families who have suffered bereavement
- Parents who have mental health problems/ post-natal depression
- Families from all backgrounds
- Lone parents
- Young parents
- Grandparents caring for grandchildren
- Step parents
- Adoptive parents
- Foster parents
- Families where a parent is in the armed forces
- Families where a parent is in prison
Any family with at least one child under 5, who is experiencing difficulties, can contact Home-Start for support. If that's you, please call 01737 770220 or email using the contact form. For more information you can visit the Home-Start East Surrey website.
Home-Start Epsom, Ewell and Banstead
Home-Start Epsom, Ewell and Banstead can support any parent living in the local area, including Epsom, Ewell, Banstead and surrounding villages, who has one or more children under the age of 5 and who wants help at a difficult time in their life.
There are many reasons why parents need support and these can include:
- Feeling isolated, maybe with no family nearby and struggling to make friends
- Suffering with post-natal depression and maybe finding it hard to talk to anyone about it
- Having a hard time coping with your child's illness or disability
- Being affected by the death of a family member
- Struggling with the emotional and practical demands of twins, triplets or children under 5
- Finding it hard to cope with relationship difficulties
- Feeling exhausted or depressed
- Coping with your own illness or disability
For more information please look at the self-referral information.
Home-Start Runnymede and Woking
Home Start Runnymede and Woking is a voluntary organisation that offers support through friendship and practical help to parents in the Runnymede and Woking areas who have at least one child under five and are struggling to cope. Support is free, confidential and non-judgemental.
Do you ever feel like this?
- Isolated in your community, unable to get out and about, with no family nearby and struggling to make friends?
- Suffering with post-natal illness but finding it hard to talk to anyone about it?
- Having a hard time coping with either your own or your child's illness or disability?
- Overwhelmed by the death of a loved one, or separation, or divorce?
- Struggling with the emotional and physical demands of having twins, triplets or more?
- Struggling to cope with behavioural issues?
- Tired, unhappy and exhausted?
….or any similar problems.
Current support includes
- 1:1 volunteer or staff support (Zoom or phone)
- Group support on Zoom for parents with children with additional needs and new mums
If you live in Runnymede or Woking, have at least one child under 5 and are looking for support, visit the Home-Start Runnymede and Woking website for more information, or phone 01483 740367 to discuss what you need and what they might be able to offer.
Runnymede Family Centre
Runnymede Family Centre offer a number of parenting courses for parents of children from 0 to11 years who are looking for that extra bit of support, including:
- 9 week Parenting Toolkit via Zoom (starts Tuesday 26/01/2021 1pm - 2.30pm)
- Parenting Puzzle parenting course (dates to be confirmed)
For more information please phone 01784 464395 or email info.runnymede@hythe.surrey.sch.uk
Home-Start Spelthorne
Do you ever feel like this?
- Isolated in your community, with no family nearby and struggling to make friends.
- Suffering with post-natal illness but finding it hard to talk to anyone about it.
- Having a hard time coping with your child's illness.
- Struggling to cope with a disability or relationship problems.
- Tired, unhappy, exhausted or any similar problems.
Many parents need help, friendship, advice or support during those early years when children are young.
There is no rulebook for raising a family and sometimes it can seem overwhelming, particularly if your family is going through difficult times. But if you can get the support you need when you need it, then day-to-day family life and your children's future can be so much brighter.
If you are a parent in Spelthorne with at least one child under five and are looking for support you can contact Home-Start Spelthorne directly on 01784 463200 and speak to a member of the team, or simply complete their contact us form.
Clarendon Family Centre
Clarendon Family centre can offer support to families with child 0-11 years old in Spelthorne. This includes information and advice and parenting courses.
If you'd like to find out more please call 07585 658690
Home-Start Surrey Heath
Home-Start Surrey Heath is a voluntary organisation that offers support through friendship and practical help to parents in Surrey Heath who have at least one child under five and are struggling to cope. Support is free, confidential and non-judgemental.
Home-Start Surrey Heath may be able to help if you:
- live in the Borough of Surrey Heath.
- have one or more children under the age of 5
- family groups for parents who feel isolated and lack confidence
- are going through a difficult time in your life
There are many reasons why you may need support. Perhaps you are:
- feeling isolated, maybe with no family nearby and struggling to make friends
- suffering with post-natal depression and maybe finding it hard to talk to anyone about it
- having a hard time coping with your child's illness or disability
- being affected by the death of a family member
- struggling with the emotional and practical demands of twins, triplets or children under 5
- finding it hard to cope with relationship difficulties
- feeling exhausted or depressed
- coping with your own illness or disability
- you have a child with Special Educational Needs & Disabilities (SEND)
If you are looking for support please call 01276 681121. You can also visit the Home-Start Surrey Heath website or look at the referrals page for more information.
Surrey Heath Family Centre Barnardos
Surrey Heath Family Centre are currently running a rolling programme of parenting courses, workshops and short sessions via zoom, including:
- The full 10 week parenting puzzle course that encourages parents and carers to enjoy bringing up children and get the best out of family life.
- 4 x Parenting puzzle workshops
For more information about any of the opportunities offered via the above programmes, please call Surrey Heath Family Centre on 07565 202058
Home-Start East Surrey
Home-Start East Surrey helps families become more resilient, supporting them until they are strong enough to cope on their own. They provide non-judgmental, practical and emotional support to help build the family's confidence and ability to cope.
Who can Home-Start East Surrey help?
- Lonely or isolated parents
- Families with twins, triplets or several pre-school children
- Families where there is ill health, disability or special needs
- Families who have suffered bereavement
- Parents who have mental health problems/ post-natal depression
- Families from all backgrounds
- Lone parents
- Young parents
- Grandparents caring for grandchildren
- Step parents
- Adoptive parents
- Foster parents
- Families where a parent is in the armed forces
- Families where a parent is in prison
Any family with at least one child under 5, who is experiencing difficulties, can contact Home-Start for support. If that's you, please call 01737 770220 or email using the contact form. For more information you can visit the Home-Start East Surrey website.
Home-Start Waverley
Home-Start in Waverley is a voluntary organisation that offers support through friendship and practical help to parents in the Runnymede and Woking areas who have at least one child under five and are struggling to cope. Support is free, confidential and non-judgemental. Home-Start Waverley may be able to help if you:
- live in the Borough of Waverley which includes Farnham, Haslemere, Cranleigh, Godalming and surrounding districts
- have at least one child under the age of 5
- are going through a difficult time in your life
There are many reasons why you may need support. Perhaps you are:
- feeling isolated, maybe with no family nearby and struggling to make friends
- suffering with post-natal depression and maybe finding it hard to talk to anyone about it
- having a hard time coping with your child's illness or disability
- being affected by the death of a family member
- struggling with the emotional and practical demands of twins, triplets or more than one child under 5
- finding it hard to cope with relationship difficulties
- feeling exhausted or depressed
- coping with your own illness or disability
If you are a parent looking for support, visit the Home-Start Waverley website for more information or call 01252 737 453 to chat about your needs. You can get in touch by email too - info@homestartwaverley.org
Home-Start Runnymede and Woking
Home Start Runnymede and Woking is a voluntary organisation that offers support through friendship and practical help to parents in the Runnymede and Woking areas who have at least one child under five and are struggling to cope. Support is free, confidential and non-judgemental.
Do you ever feel like this?
- Isolated in your community, unable to get out and about, with no family nearby and struggling to make friends?
- Suffering with post-natal illness but finding it hard to talk to anyone about it?
- Having a hard time coping with either your own or your child's illness or disability?
- Overwhelmed by the death of a loved one, or separation, or divorce?
- Struggling with the emotional and physical demands of having twins, triplets or more?
- Struggling to cope with behavioural issues?
- Tired, unhappy and exhausted?
….or any similar problems.
Current support includes
- 1:1 volunteer or staff support (Zoom or phone)
- Group support on Zoom for parents with children with additional needs and new mums
If you live in Runnymede or Woking, have at least one child under 5 and are looking for support, visit the Home-Start Runnymede and Woking website for more information, or phone 01483 740367 to discuss what you need and what they might be able to offer.
Also in this section
Sorry that we couldn't help you today.
Please talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP, or visit Child and Family Health Surrey if you have any questions about your child's health and development.
If you are looking for information on any other aspects of family life, or are looking for local playgroups or childcare Please visit the Surrey family information service.
If your child has additional needs and you are looking for information and advice please visit Surrey's SEND local offer.
If you are worried about the safety of your child, please contact Surrey children's services children's single point of access.
Date published: 03 Mar 2021